It’s time to go for broke here with this Take 5.
As many of you may already know, I’ve written Take 5s about not being able to get one of the broasted pork chops at the Cenex gas station in Hull and not being able to find a reasonably-priced Nintendo Switch. Well, I ended up finding each of those.
Sheldon councilman Shawn Broesder said I should write about how he has never won the Powerball. That innocuous and funny comment inspired this Take 5. I’m on a hot streak. It’s time for a heat check to test how hot it is.
Here are five other things I’ve wanted but have not been able to find or weren't available to me:
1: Nice car
I’ve never found a nice luxury car in great condition for an incredibly cheap price. As a kid, I remember hearing a joke about this. The gist is, a man finds a sports car that’s almost brand new. It’s in great condition with no problems. A woman is selling it for a small fraction of what it’s worth. When the man asks why she’s selling it for so cheap, she responds by saying her husband was a rich man who loved that car. Then he cheated on her and they got divorced. She got the car in the divorce, among other things, and thinks the best way to get back at him is to sell it for a cheap price. Anyway, that’s never happened to me. I've never found a cheap Ferrari, Lamborghini or Rolls-Royce.
2: Supermodel girlfriend
I’ve never had a supermodel as a girlfriend before. Before I go any further, just for clarity, I realize there are more things to relationships than just looks. There are many other things, including hard work, that go into a successful relationship. With that said, it would be fun to honestly be able to say something like, “2021? Oh yeah, that’s the year when I dated a supermodel. No, it didn’t work out. She came in between me and purchasing a super cheap Rolls-Royce.”
I have certainly played the lottery before. As you can probably guess, I’ve never won big. I did win $4 once. Along with Shawn Broesder, former co-worker Justin Rust also said he would like me to write about how he has never won the lottery. Hopefully, this isn’t a “Bruce Almighty” situation where all three of us win but have to split it with thousands of other people and some random dude named Todd.
I’ve never been asked to play Batman in a movie. Wouldn’t that be fun? To be clear, I’d probably turn it down. That’s a sacrifice I would be willing to make for all of the other Batman fans that want to see good movies about Bruce Wayne. I would not make a good Batman or Bruce Wayne. I’m rarely that serious. However, being able to say I was almost Batman would be another fun thing to bring up. “Oh, you almost made partner last year? I was almost Batman. Boom Todd, take that.”
The final frontier. I’ve never been to outer space. As a little kid, I wanted to be an astronaut, along with numerous other things like a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle. Still, going where few people have ever gone before and floating in space would be another fun thing to experience. Plus, it would give me more ammo when Todd talks about how he vacationed in New Mexico. "Whatever Todd. I went to space. And I drove your ex-wife's Rolls-Royce to get there."
Those are my five things. Who knows? A month or two from now, I may be writing another Take 5 about how I went to space or won $350 in the lottery. Either way, my new power is being put to the test.